Why I say no to flirting, and what I would like men my age to know about my autism

Why I say no to flirting, and what I would like men my age to know about my autism
By Chloe Sybert

Ok, Let’s face it, I’m pretty, smart, can talk a person’s ear off and I’m autistic-ly inclined. Why am I still single? I’m the total package, and completely humble. Sometimes I go to good old UN-trusty Google to figure out some commonly asked questions about people on the spectrum. One of them being, “can autistic people fall in love?” Well, ladies and gents you’re in luck! I just so happen to be a living breathing autistic and I am going to answer this question whether you were wondering or not! Lucky you!  To this question, I say YES! Well, what I want to say is, “DUH!” but I’m staying polite on this blog. As Maui would say “your welcome!” But yes in all seriousness I am capable of falling for man candy. They just don’t always fall for me.

I must confess that autism comes with its difficulties. (But I’m sure you know that already unless you live under a rock.) And because I have this diagnosis… things are often harder for me in the flirting/ romantic love department. In this wonderfully well-written blog post (told you I was humble) I will discuss how my autism makes things difficult as well as what I would like men my age to understand. Hopefully, ladies, this will help if you are in the same boat, or know a woman who is. Men, take notes.

Things you should keep in mind

  1. No, I am not going to flirt with you. I can hardly tell if you’re flirting with me!! I over analyze everything from “omg, does he like me? Is he this nice to everybody?” to “he winked, did he have something in his eye? Was that a flirt move or friendly gesture?” I don’t always understand social cues and would like to know straight up if you like me instead of flirting with me. It will be lost in translation. Also, I am so bad at flirting anyway that if I like you I will let you know. But only if you….
  2. Tell me how you feel. With my autism comes doubt and overanalyzing. I’m likely not going to confess my feelings to you unless I either feel its safe to or know how you feel about me. Also autism comes with emotions, sometimes I start crying for no reason and I need constant reassurance from my friends. I have to know where I stand with people, even friends and family. So I might ask questions such as- did I hurt your feelings? Are you sure? Are we cool? Are you sure? Do you still feel the same about me? Are we still friends? Are you sure, are you sure are you sure?
  3. Don’t tell me to stop. Ever hear of a trigger word? STOP is my trigger word. I can’t explain it but it’s inflammatory. Especially when A- I’m doing something I can’t stop, like stimming or B- when I have no idea what I am doing. If you text me and don’t like my emoji or something petty, don’t say stop. Use your words (or more text characters) to express to me how I hurt you and how I can fix things.
  4. You have not texted me for 3 weeks. I’m not always super clingy but my mind jumps to the worst case scenario. (Omg! they got hit by a moving train). Do me a favor and tell me before you go phoneless, why you can’t talk.
  5. I am a very visual minded person, meaning I picture things vividly in my head. Also, I constantly worry and always want to please people I care about. I’m going through a whole lot so a little word of affirmation or encouragement goes a very long way with me.I might sound annoying by now, but I am a great (and humble) person who loves making her loved ones happy.

    I mean come on, I’m telling ya, TOTAL PACKAGE! 

Comments

    Me | July 9, 2017 at 4:56 am

    I can so relate. Female in mid 20s. (Probably will take forever to get a diagnosis..but am almost positive I am.) I do flirt with someone I am already in a relationship with, rarely beyond that have I. It is awkward when you don’t know someone and they assume I’m flirting, and I don’t have a clue it looks that way. I’ll say things in a matter of fact way and don’t realize when it sounds like I’m using innuendos until it’s too late. lol Also feel badly in past relationships I really care and might be trying to flirt but I can come off as very unenthusiastic and “robotic” especially if I am tired.

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